The major days of cny has passed. Gatherings with relatives was new to me this year. Since the passover of taiyee and the infrequent visits back to penang on the hot busy festive days, we took chances this year. Indeed, it was worthwhile.

Other than people asking 'when you getting married ah?' there were lots of conversation going. Mundane questions about work and about, but its really getting to know one another much better. Cousins suddenly realised i wasn't as quiet as they thought i was. What a shocker! I usually blab whenever i get the chance to. Quiet? me? oh come on..

We all moved on in our lives, busy with the current, questioning about the future, thinking on what to do next. It is probably once a year cny thing, but this time we vow to do it more frequent. I won't want my next generation to be cut off totally from my relatives and tradition. Somehow, i got scared. Scared that i would lose the chinese tradition and unable to pass it to the next cause i don't know. Its not totally about the traditions itself, its the family ties that comes with it.

This chinese new year, i learn to appreciate family time. I used to brush aside whenever i get the chance to but probably cny 2009 taught me a lesson. Theres nothing stronger than family ties.
On another note, i wonder how long it would last. Me and the famous hangat hangat tahi ayam. Bad bad bad.

I've come to love Penang despite its traffic congestions and mad drivers. I love that place.

It starts with a tiny spark. Within seconds, sparks flew and it went way out of hand. Within minutes, it became a firing bush. Unable to contain it in, the sparks shot aimlessly. It was uncontrollable. No one in the burning bush was able to survived. It wiped out an entire army. Nothing was left, not a single living soul was seen.

As the story unfold.

SUPER-STITIOUS

After returning from a very Chinese dinner with fellow friends, i left the place with much on my mind. Not being superstitious, cause i not only don't believe, its usually not accurate.

The conversation started something like this... "when i interview people, i ask their year and which chinese animal their birth represent" I was a little bit suprised that people still finds horoscope and animal year to compare the compatibility of working together. And it went on "i usually don't take people from the year of the pig, too emotional, I'm a rat, cannot work with pigs." I was left baffled. cause, i'm a pig myself.

Being the curious me, i went on asking about it more. No doubt, i do also agree that pigs like me are more emotional. cause i am. not denying it. It seems that, pigs and pigs should not be together. Wait, got difference one with girl pig and boy pig. The girl piggies are more emotional and have very strong character. The boy piggies have very low self esteem and self confidence. If ever there is a match with two piggies, the girl piggy will climb over the boy piggie and he will suffer. It went on too, "if your boyfriend is a pig also, i think you better let him go so he will suffer less."

In my puny mind, i was taken aback left thinking that probably my previous relationships did not work because some of them were pigs. Can we be that shallow? or is it soooo true that i've finally bitten myself, being too strong of a person and too emotional.

The sayings was justified by another person who has experienced it cause her parents are both pigs. All they way, she nodded in agreement. I wonder what they say about both horses together, cause my parents both are. It left me thinking when i was driving back home, could it be? am i that hard to handle? do i come on too strong as a person?

Or am i just a piggie in denial.

Another incident this week which i've been telling the dudes... Boss had summoned us to her room and decided partially on work allocation. Seemingly, i'll be travelling more the next few months on big opening projects.

The following day, the newspaper wrote a short blurp on individual 'animal' in this cow year. So, mine goes something like this: "you will be travelling a lot this year, will gain recognition for your work and will have very high stress level. Health this year will deteriorate. Avoid starting a business. In romance, for those of you who are single, you will find your love off shore while travelling. For those who are in a relationship, you will feel neglected by your partner"

There are a lot of way to intepret it, it might even seem very general. If like this of course like that one la. However, to me it was meaningful and i somehow took it to heart. Cause i know some of it already and it's kinda true. Coincidence? you tell me.

A means of guidance i believe, but deep down inside i know that you create your life story. I'll be a off shore romance seeker travelling pig with health problems this year. or not. it's up to me isn't it?

It has been not only weird, its too much of an odd situation i've put myself in. Now i think, its not even funny.

I hate the new year horoscopes already.

It feels like 'judgement' day is approaching. The time has come but yet the verdict is yet to be known. Cause nobody knows the true outcome of it all. If we know, if we could, we would all play God already isn't it. Live it to the fullest, you only live once. How motivating.

Sitting at starbucks with the hustle and bustle of people passing you by, with a chai tea latte in your hands and a good friend chatting away is a great way to clear the negative chi. Looking up occasionally then spot the hunks that is coming through your side of the walkway, smile a bit, blink away, make a comment to a friend and continue the conversation. Sound familiar? no? oh well, i do that all the time. Theres nothing like having the time to just look and start creating a mini dramas in your head.

What would your mini drama be when you see two handsome guys walking together, one wearing a tight red skinny jeans with a white singlet?
or
A mommy with 4 kids by her side, holding her LV handbag, daughter holding her coach handbag, two young sons fighting away like theres no tomorrow, the youngest is about to burst in tears.

I can go on and on and on and on on what i saw today or yesterday... i don't think i can remember the day before but... i tell you, its interesting. The mini dramas is all mere presumptions and it only goes on my little head. Try it sometime, let your imagination run wild...

I think i've got a sickness, a terminally ill disease. A disease that will probably eat into my own self and one day just die of it. Yuck, eating own flesh is disgusting.
I like working. Work means a lot to me, don't mind spending weekends or after working hours doing work stuff. Its just a comfort space i guess. But nomatter how much i rant, complain and curse over it, i can't deny my love for my work.

Keeping busy, organising events and meeting people is my passion. I realised. It has not only made me who i am and where i am, it made me what i am. I see people take jobs as a have to survive, working for the sake of putting bread on the table, paying bills, a thorough sake of responsibility. Counting down lets just use my age, i've got 30 more years to go before i retire. 30 more years of work, thats my youth, my growing, my maturity, my life and my all.

Of course, i would want a family and kids. How cute if i can 'poot' out little maymays. Make the world i little bit worrying with my little ones. But work still need to come in line with it. I admire people who can juggle both well. It if definately not an easy task especially mothers. Well, of course i won't say we will all marry rich, no need to work, poot children out until the cow comes home.

Or, what if i die tomorrow, will i have any regrets? not performing well enough, not giving myself enough, not loving enough... and the lists goes on. Or, spent too much time at work? I think and still thinking... if i die, i do not regret what i've prioritised at this moment. but but but... i also don't know but what.

Its here there and everywhere. A not focused, concentrated writing is a headache, and this is what i'm leaving you with.

Puzzle me dear, puzzle me.

Yesterday was my first gig. I was nervous like hell.

If you ask me to talk to a handful or even a small group, its fine...

In an official event? with 150 over people? i deserve the right to be nervous!

Today was my second gig, crowd was mostly people i knew, it was definately better.

They told me i sounded too comfortable, seemed kinda effortless. Sigh.

I can't please everyone could i?

There you go, my emcee virginity. Broked by Metrojaya.

Carrier in Emcee? hmm... if only i could be that good.

Slapping myself today would be the best option. I know who would volunteer.
It was the best news i've heard all day. At least my best friend need not worry much.

30 little kids came for a rehearsal. It seemed like Armageddon.
Scared, stage fright, i can't sleep.

Tired. Its the only word written on my entire body.
I cannot remember when it started, that tiredness came so near.
It must be the pills. Or it could be just work.
The idea of giving up is always in the mind.
Cause its just seems to be the easiest alternative.
I wish i didn't have to, i wish i didn't need to.

Living on the edge where you know not where and how.
Standing on the top of the cliff wondering what next should be.
Life is about trial and error. But ones it snaps, it'll all be gone forever.

2009

A BLESSED 2009 TO ALL!!

2009 is embraced with a lot of uncertainties. Economic downturn is the main topic for the coming year. Retrenchment is a word where people just keep their fingers crossed that it won't happened to them. Feng Shui master says its not gonna be good for all, saving is the key word. No matter how you adjust your environment, there is definately losses somewhere.

Before the year ended, i lost a friend. Don't know whether its the month of people 'leaving', but i know for sure it wasn't a month of 'bed of roses'. Its true people come and go, especially when you get older, the people around you will start 'going away'. I loathe losses, especially these. Cause its uncontrollable.

However it may be, 2009 is here to brace us. Brace us well or not, i'm unsure. So, whats your new year resolutions? I ought to pen down some, just as a means of motivation. :) achieving it might be another issue altogether. Lemme see...

1. be nicer to family, friends and colleagues

2. loose weight

3. be nicer to myself

Hows that for 2009... ahhahha.. just playing on the safe side.

I apologise to all i've been mean to thus far, i'm just ignorant sometimes. Couldn't see some of you lately cause life has been crazy. i'm crap in showing my love, but it doesn't mean i don't care. It takes a little bit of time to make someone's day. If i see you and don't give you a bear hug, please remind me. i've got short term memory and short attention span. If i'm say mean things to you, smack me at my backside. But don't take advantage as it is already pretty flat.

Cheers to the brand new year ahead! With lots of excitement and challenges...