There are vast interpretation of the picture.

How would you interpret?

Tomorrow is the final day of the sale. Ditching the girls to dine at yuens', i decided to head home. Thank God that tomorrow is the final finale of the sale. Then, its OVER!

Driving home through federal, being it a sunday, it was clear and the streets lights of KL was lited up. It was a cruise back home. Home sweet home. I desire a place on my own where its peace and quiet where i can just throw my baggage down and not worry about the tinkles and winkles of whose at home. Take a bath, loose the clothes and lie at the couch watching Mamma Mia. Not a worry in the world.

Yoga can be pushed aside for a while now. My backside hurts, my sole is crying out, my limbs are scattered, my mind is disoriented. Thay ts the effect of a five day warehouse sale. Its my first actually, doing something till my backside hurt. And not only that, my backside bleed for the first time. Must really go see a doc after this.

Being where i am after tertiary studies, this job made me tougher. Demanding, ignorant, impatient... all enhanced. Offending people, ignorant to the other's feeling seems relatively easy. Realising it all these while, but the change is yet to be made. Well, when it comes to work that is.

I'm still a big sissy when it comes to other stuff.

Today was tiring beyond words could express. So many things just happened in one day. Now, as i sit down on my bed with the computer on my lap looking through facebook, replying a few emails, typing this entry and digesting what happened today, its just plain awful.

It was awfully tiring, awfully lonely without my boss, awfully mind drowning... and the lists goes on. Think Think Think... the mind would not rest. I could opt for rest in peace.

I made a mental note in my head after much of mind bashing from the two influencial people in my life at the current moment, i'll love myself more and go all out for what i want. Oh well, we'll see la...

anyways, METROJAYA WAREHOUSE SALE tomorrow onwards till monday. 10am -730pm.

I need to sleep desperately. goodnight.

When stress eats me in, i write.
When all means end, i write.
When i need to find back mr patience, i write.
When i'm angry i write.
When i'm sick i write.
When i'm at the verge of any damn thing, i write.

So, here i write about being brutally honest. Not just being honest without a facade on, its brutally which is damn well the seriously honest. Giving not being in a good state of mind, i reckon i did pretty well.

Coming in line with how i felt and the way i perceived, something must be done. Today, i probably kicked a few in the arse, loosen some tied knots, used excessive vulgarities, sang my lung out, said something i might regret later... mmm... i'm actually not as nice as people think. honestly.

Being brutally honest wasn't easy. It wasn't just honesty, it was telling it at-your-face kind without feeling any guilt. Its a one way street, no turning back. Sticking to what have been said, it might hurt but somethings must be voiced.

I found out, i can be mean, i can be brutal. A new door has just opened tonight, and sticking to it seems like a good idea. Guess its the time to also be brutally mean. AAAAaaaaaah, probably just honest.

Penning down the stories of being brutally honest today will either kill me or the people around me. i'm gonna shhhhh my mouth unless you ask me to be brutally honest with you.

Honestly, i think i need to sleep. My eyes are failing me...

Pile it up! Pile it up! Pile it up!
Let it all pile up till we drown 6 feet under.
Complains! Complains! Complains!
Let all complaints flush down the dirty shitty rats-filled drain.
Promises! Promises! Promises!
It all empty inside.
Qualms! Qualms! Qualms!
So many 'i wish i had done...'
Whimper! Whimper! Whimper!
The dead will not rise up from the grave.
Shout! Shout! Shout!
Shout at my butt, i'm still going karaoke.
Work! Work! Work!
I'm gonna get block veins, cardiac arrest and die at work.
Shit! Shit! Shit!
I can't even 'ng-ng' in peace.
Time! Time! Time!
I'm sorry i have none of it.
Heartsick! Heartsick! Heartsick!
Someone came to my desk and told me she's heartsick.
How? How? How?
How would i know, i don't plan to play God anytime soon.
Eat! Eat! Eat!
I'm getting so fat that my mother wouldn't recognise me.
Box! Box! Box!
I am never going into doing kickboxing routines ever again.
Excuses! Excuses! Excuses!
The reasons you give are utterly bollock-ical!
Ring! Ring! Ring!
Its always someone else. Where are you?
Go! Go! Go!
Go do what you think best, even if its without me!
Burst! Burst! Burst!
Email space is so pathetically small that its gonna burst with tears.
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
Don't think i'm stupid enough to believe that we have not used the models before!
Stop! Stop! Stop
I think i need to stop highlighting sweet colors on the fonts and stop writing cause the more i write the more heated i am.

*jumps off Hilton KL tonight*

Stronger for myself, strong for others,
Staying stronger for the weak, stronger to the helpless
Stayed strong for my future, friends and family
It all came crashing down on me

I thought i was strong enough
Strong enough to turn things round
Strong enough to face the past
Boy, i was so wrong

Crying helpless like a baby weeping for feed
With blank stares and drown in self pity
It would't matter much
Temporary trappings in this world

Unapologetic love to leave that kind of legacy.
Soon enough destroyed.

Finally

Finally it came out,
Finally the day you hoped for came alive,
Finally the beggining of the cinderella story came into place,
Finally it felt right,
Finally nothing and no one can put me down anymore,
Finally it happened to no one but me.
Finally...
The dreaded word was uttered finally,
All worries became reality finally,
The verdict was made finally,
It came to an end, finally.

Finally, what was done was done, what was said was said.
It was final. Finally, it is time to move on.

Hold on strong my friend. You will move on.

Weight

As i was driving home from work on a cold, raining friday night. Best friend in singapore, everyone went back to their own humble abode dinner with family, movies.. I decided to skip pyramid and head home instead.

Clearing up closet, looking at old albums, staring at the pictures pasted on the room wall. I have changed much. Without realising the changes on my physique, primary mates, cousins, old friends, overseas guests that have not seen me for the least 1 year of my life commented how much i've change. Better? i hope so.

Weight have always been an issue. Since the little chubby people use to call. Pinching of cheek during primary. The glares of passer by as the cuteness fades.. it became 'that fat girl'. Hyppo, elephant, BIG girl... name the BIG names, i've heard it all.

Clothes, was hard to find. It was like finding a needle in a pile of sand. Shopping at the adult section was common. Big brown bag, ms read... name the plus size retails, i've at least got one baju from their shelf. Now, its being passed to someone whose probably going through the 'big' phase in life. Mind you, brands like that may not look fancy but the price is definately much much more than normal retail stuff. I guess its the usage of more cloth cause of the sizes.

Shopping at sg wang or any 'normal' retail was of course MISSION IMPOSSIBLE. Shopping was suppose to be fun for a young teenage girl, but it

wasn't then.

It gets more depressing when the style you like so much unable to

fit your big fat ass.

Topping 95kg was the max. People turned away, mothers shaking head, the pressure was on. It could not go on. Being so, nobody knows there were medical issues to address. The fat girl was not only just a fat girl, she was in fact a sick fat girl.

I always have a soft spot for young big girls. Understanding part of their life while growing up. It not only crushes your self esteem, it scars you for life.

Might just post of pictures of the super duper large part of my life when i get it scanned. You'll be shocked out of your chair, well, i was.

Still am working towards the ideal weight. Getting rid of the fats, scars and many many buldges. Theres so much work to do. It takes time. Still getting use to the fact that i'm an european size, i know i'll learn to accept it. The day will come that i will come fore front with my own physique.

I just hope and wish for the few young girls i've met that they may have the persistance. Saying the bloom of inner beauty is more important is not an excuse. Outward is as important. Its a learning process.

Cheers for the better in life!

*Pictures are for illustration purposes only.

i personally prefer smaller ones. :p

DUH Chemistry

It takes time to get to know a person well. How well? well enough to continue being friends or hit the highway. Chemistries are so darn important that probably without it, its utterly meaningless.

Sometimes we wonder, how on earth did we put up with that person till now? No idea? the chemistry dei.

Be it the huge variance in wave lengths, eventhough sometimes you feel like knocking the person with a hammer, still, i love you for who you are.

It's like a special bond. A bud that just keeps on growing and blooming. Lets not go to the part where it withers. :p The special bond of love, of friendship. Its for a certain individual, a special friend.

How well is well? Knowing a person well enough to know what they meant in a snap, or being able to finish their sentences before they do? knowing whats their favourite soup?

Bah, so what if i know the likes and don't likes. What difference does it make other than getting it for some special occassions. sigh.

Realising the bond was actually that strong makes it scary. You thought that people from different upbringings and different personalities find it hard to accept the other, it might just be the gateway of a once in a lifetime partnership.

DOH'

Canggih isn't it. Ponder on it, oh well the sad me did. Realising that diversities in various kinds are a challenge and is exciting. Much to my liking these days.

I can't stop snickering to myself just imagining the replies and comments. Its not only funny, its entertaining. The duhertainment channel in my life is getting interesting cause it get duh-er and duh-er each time.

Cheers to the duh-hness of people around. May they sprinkle us with laughter and happy tears.

你最近不说话， 怎么了？为什么。

是不是有什么让你不快乐。

听说你最近很孤单，有点乱，有点慌，但是我不能够在你身旁。

我给的不是你要的。

我们抱在一起哭，但还是不要认输。

有心，但是爱不到。我失败了。 我输了。

我不想玩着游戏了。我称不起了， 要崩溃了。

你的承诺，一辈子给我的承诺你忘了吧。

我们其实都知到时间到了。

在你眼中，看到了不同的天空。没有我的天空。