Sitting at a mamak stall sipping a glass of teh-o-ais.
We pondered on how 'sorted' our lives werent. Comparing amongst peers, probably the rated way below sorted. Does sorted merely means courtship, dating, marriage, children, family. Literally in that order? Somehow we are amazed by how sorted people can be. Thus making us question on our normality. The subject came and went. Sorted or not, we are happy people.

Browsing through Yasmin Ahmad's blog, and what people say and talk about her. Despite crude remarks, hindrances, trials in her life. She strived till the last end. After reading it all, realising that Japan, France, Hong Kong, Taiwan and even our neighboring country Singapore giving her thumbs up and awards for her short films, being also directing the Petronas muhibbah ads. Knowned for her sentiments for unity, Malaysia recognised none. Low to a point, when one wants to buy tickets to the show, you get a nonchalant reply "sudah habis". Its sad really.

When a situation arises, we do damage control.

This time, i'm the problem. Needing damage control.

Like a humty dumpty thrown from the wall, shattered to pieces.

With people rushing to plaster it all up again.

They got up, pat each other's back on the good job patching.

Mindless on the damaged done.

Can it revive humty dumpty's smooth porcelain shell...

Can it really be as before.

However, it was humpty's fault of even thinking of sitting on the wall.

Ya, humpty probably deserves it.

Believing that theres always a reason when two person's life crosses.

Out of billions of people in this world, knowing one another is 'yuen fen'.

Be it a friend's friend, a cousin's friend or some stranger that somehow is at where you were.

Call me crazy.

Some are just aquaintances, some are good friends, some are soul mates.

Longing to be understood, longing not to be misundertood. Not all will understand.

Living in a diversified world with diversed people, its drama.

A friend can be a friend, can be just a friend. Soul mates reaches to the inner being of oneself,

able to accept, being able to entwined. It reaches far further than skin deep.

Its corny. yes.

Stunned, Shocked, Taken back..
Whatever expression that best suit the situation. Almost 2 years here, it's prolly the first encounter of most meeting the verbal pessimist psycho in me. All due respect, i don't go around parading the extend of seriousness or harshness or whatever you call it. As a matter of fact hardly do it at work, rather more with friends. :p too bad Jose..

Someone was kind enough to ask was anything wrong. Snickering to myself, if i ignore, you think i don't care enough. If i care, you think i've got something wrong. Being considered a newbie, i might not know the back alley structure, odd enough, care not i. Feed me.. if its good and healthy i'll take it. If not, i'll find another feeder myself.

Its always a crescendo learning, being thrown in the middle of the sea. We all learned the survival skills, thats probably the best learning ground. From the lowest ground training up till learning from the top. When the cycle repeats itself, it's prolly time to move on.

I do bark. I do loud. I do scream. I do whine. I do retaliate. I do defend. I do have an opinion. I do rationalise.
Correct me if i'm wrong. Bark at me if you think it's silliness and carelessness.
Not being loud doesn't mean i don't have a mind.
I may be retarded, but i'm not stupid.

Ya, don't hire me. I'll prolly screw you too after 2 years.

I thought and think and thought and think.. it is an neverending cycle.
Cause it will somehow happen all over again. Karma?
What goes around comes around whether you like it or not.
Its utter malufying when it comes biting back.
Knowing that you can do nuts about it. Cause it's payback time.
Guilt torture.

Its not to the extend that its life threatening,
Just enough to distrupt your life, make you feel miserable,
Hurt you, make you cry, feeling small, lonely and weak.
Dragging to the lowest point and till the time you gather the courage to face it all.
Then, its bounce back time!

Acting as if nothing happened helps.
Eventhough its self denial, the mask makes life much easier.
Since when it became such hassle, provoking such complication.
It probably comes with growing up.