In a blink of an eye, its the month of July already. Much had happened, much have changed. Definately, theres more ahead.

There is so many files flying across the table that its blowing my head off. The relocation of the company is making me uneasy. Unsure of the next step, the future. Eventhough an official memo is not circulated, but with CF approved, renovations on the way, people speculated that its 90% sure go. Whispers and discussions flood the floor. "So you going with them or not?"

It is a hard decision to make. I seem to just settled down digesting the workload and the people that i work with and now, a new bomb have just landed on most of our laps. What does the future lies? The move is gonna be tough for most of us. More sacrifice, more time, more travelling. Everything at every aspect of the moving seems tough, but not unachievable.

Getting a job out there in this time is a tough call. As i think about the future, or rather my future, i just couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Its easy to just write down my passion, my desires, my expectations. But as easy as it may sound, its not.

"You just get married and have kids la. Isn't that what you always wanted" Well, its true, but not now. Not at this moment. And bearing in mind also that men my specs are hard to find. I'm so gonna rule out getting married and having kids. *at least for the next few days.... hahahha

The hike and jike of price is horrible. Increasing electricity and petrol in a year is a burn in the pocket. Now lagi, no more pocket. People are spending less, being more careful, counting the cents in everyway they can. Retail is bad, Factories cutting cost, Supplies are double the usual price. I wonder how long it will last.

I hope all things will turn out for the better. *Fingers crossed

After a stressful week, as i came back to my own room and started digesting the happenings of the past few days. Much has happened, no matter what it is, life goes on.

Came across this weekly ode of friendship email that was sent to me a while ago. Whenever i get these emails, i tend to just brush it aside, given the restrain of time to linger on with emails other than work or facebook. haha... yes i admit la, facebook is quite a chuck of me being online. :p I took some time reading it.

Being not able to express myself well, the email practically expresses and penned it all. Friends are important in life. There are many categories, i'm sure we all fall into some categories with different aquaintences. Some friends are meant to last a lifetime, some just walk in and out of our lives. I've learned that walking in and out is ok in life.

There are different phase of friends in life. Being only a quarter of a century old, i've not gone through a lot of phase in life. Meeting up with people at different phase of schooling days brings back different 'feel'. Talking about the past is unavoidable, they just won't let go of the stupid things that happened. Looking back, its funny. But definately wasn't funny at that time.

I 'feel' the friendship bond strongly these couple of weeks, being going through turmoils in life. Cannot imagine how my life would be without them around. The ups and downs in life, everybody have their fair share. I am just thankful for people that stucked with me through thick and thins of emotional battles. Honestly, there are only a hand full. I need only one side to count.

Very little, but its enough. Its scary tho that they somehow know you inside out. But i cannot imagine being without them at the moment. Its amazing when you really sit down and ponder "did they really did it for me?" Who am i to deserve such pampering and love. As i wonder about the lifelong friends, i heart them for accepting the devil i am, the pathetic little confused whimp inside.

[Though it seems ordinary and simple, friendship is one of the
most powerful forces on earth. It is a kind of love, a special brand, that can
support you as you search for a life work. Friendship is a relatively constant
love not disturbed by the ups and downs of passion as much as romantic love is.
You don't need a ceremony to initiate a friendship as you do in marriage, because
friendship grows slowly like a small garden rather than arriving in full bloom
like a huge floral display. Friendship is a broad category that sometimes mean
intimate connection and sometimes a loose tie. There are good friends, close
friends, and friends who may be more like acquaintances it's
sometimes difficult to know which it is. However strong the connection,
friendships allow you to go in your life with companions who will support you and
be with you and talk with you. These are simple but essential gifts. (London, UK:
Piatkus, 2008, pp. 146-147)]

No one should apologise for their need for friends. Our need for friends is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of our humanity.

Like all good things, friendship requires sacrifice and work. I can't even begin to imagine how much my friends have sacrificed in their support of my life and my work.

I wanted to psot some pictures here for eunice's sake, cause she thinks my posts are getting boring with lotsa words. but TOO BAD the picture loading icon got problem. Prolly the next time ok.

Anyway, granny is getting so much better. Very happy to see her. Will drop by Penang again really soon.

Till the next time, prolly tomorrow... ahhaahaha

Its kind of distressful when an individual you've known for a long time suddenly made you feel like you don't know that person at all. The length of time knowing one another does not seem to justify the closeness anymore. Being able to clique with another individual depends on the chemistry and the transparency. If you can forever put on the mask and lug it your entire life i salute you.

With people coming out from their shell after umpteenth years, theres a tremendous lot to adjust to. Probably won't need to cause it somehow felt like all hell broke loose, and its best to just end it there and then. But for the sake of the umpteenth years together, the process would take a while longer. I prefer, what i see is what i get. I no like then i no want.

While getting slapped on the face, there seems to be so many things to be attended to. Grandma got diagnosed with cancer 3rd stage, extra load of responsibilities at work. Eh, now it seems little. But the follow up takes a whole load of time. Especially travelling north and south to see granny while working and all around the tom dick KL to please people's request. Complain complain complain. Am emotionally drained, right down to the roots. I'm an old fag hag at age 25.

There goes the story of an old fag hag at age 25. Lets cheers to that.

Today marked the start of my new life. Nothing drastic will change just some adjustment to make. Whatever good in life must go on, whatever that is on the verge of wrecking must go. It's a psychological battle inside.

Anything in life, i believe nothing is impossible. As long as there is determination and faith, it'll come through. I'm sure i'll pull this through. Being 25 and not much more to go, it's now or never.

Chewah, what a way to bluff myself. Its all in the mind.

It's Friday and i'm lazy, very lazy.
Working is much of a chore nowadays. Complaining and whining and being in a sour mood seems like a norm. Stepping into the house with the sour face, you can see everybody running to their own corner, own room. Like the Will Smith show where everybody just runs away and dissapears. *poof* -silence- whispers *sssshhhh.... shes not in a good mood, go up and watch tv instead.

The negative aura is sooo strong. Its bad. No wonder people run away.

RUN FOREST RUN...

On the way to work today, the norm of driving through mrr2 with flyfm on the radio. Today phat fabes mentioned a documentary he saw. It was about genes, cheating genes. Those genes are actually inside physically in a person. From what i understand, that particular gene can be removed from the body and it will help with the cheating. Surgically? i don't know. It was related to their fix it on air next.

Mom who is cheating on the husband, daughter called the radio for help. If you're not tune in every morning, do try occasionally. Listening to fix its made me realised such problem do exist and the emotional part of a person is somewhat genuine. Probably radio has its strength on being on air, not in person where all eyes are on one person. Its easier to express and not be embarassed. Somehow, some people do resort to radio fix. Feelings can be genuine, but it could also be made up. Whatever it is, theres always two sides to it.

Its sad to see people being put into such situation. Imagine getting a call from the station and ... "Hey, its ben and phat fabes from flyfm, do you know the fix it segment? This time, the problem is YOU!" Being a problem, a hurdle in people's life would make me very very .... i don't know. Whatever it is in life, theres nothing that cannot be solve. I always believe that 'God will not give you what you cannot bear'.

Theres always a reason behind what happened. At least with that mentality, its easier to move on.

Almost Lover is currently playing on the ipod, on the phone and on the laptop.

While on the way back sitting on the KL Express, i came through this song. Somehow i played it again and again and again. Maybe cause of the slow soothing lazy slured singing. I feel the lyrics and the sway of this particular song. Throughout the entire journey back home, the song 'teman-ed' me. With it, i swayed all the way back home.

It was a goodbye song to an almost lover. Somethings are almost there... almost.. but never happened. "but it was soooo close" But it never happened.

Try listening to it, if you somehow feel the sameway as i do. The singer very terror. If not, just take it as i'm just having ANOTHER one of those emotional turmoil.