I thank you for being my voice. It happened so fast last night, i'm still trying to digest it. But i can't help feeling the butterflies in my stomach.

Being out of this world, i nearly got myself into an accident. A MPV with a sang kancil. I should not be spared, just merely looking at the size of both vehicle. But an angel was somehow there to alert me at due time and a slight bump, i didn't even hear it happening. Of course, not until the guy stared at me wanting to pull over. Not having the slightest idea i bumped someone on the butt, i had the courtesy to also pull over and ask what happened. All due respect to the guy that got bumped, he commented 'you are lucky'. no scratches, no dent.

Phew! close encounter. Or else tonight i really don't need to sleep already. Have not been sleeping well these days. The mind seemed so awake somehow. Tonight is not an exception.

So much going on in the mind, but nothing comes out from the mouth. Could only relate to few dudes. But still, words and expressions were hard to form. A conclusion was made, i strive to standby it. If you're lucky, you may see the effect of the conclusion.

Signing out..

Penang

It has not only been a stressful week, it was added on with tiredness and restlessness with the travelling. Feeling a little dissapointed with myself and lots of should haves, nevertheless i'm happy that the work-trip ended yesterday.

Not knowing Penang being a really really small state, i was suprised to see the little amount of people walking into the store. Eventho most of the people that was meant to turn up, turned up but it is either i have put too many chairs or the crowd just ain't enough. Well, this time round i didn't not have my usual event dose of adrenaline rush. Cause it was just so slow, or mmm... maybe Penang staff just too efficient.




There definately a learning point in this mini show. I will upload more pictures of the show in facebook once i get it.

Somehow, after this event... i am feeling not too sure of myself anymore.

Patience may patience... i have been getting a lot of these lately. From my best buds to a total stranger from the road side. Its queer, very queer. Getting advices and opinions from friends are totally different from strangers. Basically, if they are called stranger, they hardly know you for starters, and main course, they hardly know you. More like, they don't know you at all.

So why? But for whatever the reason maybe, i daren't neglect it. Everything happened for a reason. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G

ARGH. Being the twerp, the impatient blood is flowing through my mind, body and soul. I want to know it and i want to know the result now. The in-betweens are killing me. Who likes being on the border anyway.

In the same time, i loathe the results. Cause a big part of me don't know how the ending will be like. The results could be good. But it could be shitty too.

If only i'll ask. But thats the only thing i won't do. Its damn good to be a women isn't it. Redundant. Don't you just love me.

With Anwar and Shabery debating on TV, being it the most anticipated debate ever, somehow i have no interest.

All the debating, the who say what and who will promise what... sudah muak dengar. With the fuel price already RM2.70, and the electricity going up, it useless to say anything now. But if theres another increase, so says the rumour, it will definately cause a furor. Whatever the government is doing, its definately not helping.

Adding icing to the rotten cake, filing cases which eats up tax payers money. Ramblings on who to blame or 'i have nothing to do with this', innocent people involve. BAH, it's a rotten world.

JUSTICE, WHERE ARE YOU? Probably sleeping at his seat.

In a blink of an eye, its the month of July already. Much had happened, much have changed. Definately, theres more ahead.

There is so many files flying across the table that its blowing my head off. The relocation of the company is making me uneasy. Unsure of the next step, the future. Eventhough an official memo is not circulated, but with CF approved, renovations on the way, people speculated that its 90% sure go. Whispers and discussions flood the floor. "So you going with them or not?"

It is a hard decision to make. I seem to just settled down digesting the workload and the people that i work with and now, a new bomb have just landed on most of our laps. What does the future lies? The move is gonna be tough for most of us. More sacrifice, more time, more travelling. Everything at every aspect of the moving seems tough, but not unachievable.

Getting a job out there in this time is a tough call. As i think about the future, or rather my future, i just couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Its easy to just write down my passion, my desires, my expectations. But as easy as it may sound, its not.

"You just get married and have kids la. Isn't that what you always wanted" Well, its true, but not now. Not at this moment. And bearing in mind also that men my specs are hard to find. I'm so gonna rule out getting married and having kids. *at least for the next few days.... hahahha

The hike and jike of price is horrible. Increasing electricity and petrol in a year is a burn in the pocket. Now lagi, no more pocket. People are spending less, being more careful, counting the cents in everyway they can. Retail is bad, Factories cutting cost, Supplies are double the usual price. I wonder how long it will last.

I hope all things will turn out for the better. *Fingers crossed

After a stressful week, as i came back to my own room and started digesting the happenings of the past few days. Much has happened, no matter what it is, life goes on.

Came across this weekly ode of friendship email that was sent to me a while ago. Whenever i get these emails, i tend to just brush it aside, given the restrain of time to linger on with emails other than work or facebook. haha... yes i admit la, facebook is quite a chuck of me being online. :p I took some time reading it.

Being not able to express myself well, the email practically expresses and penned it all. Friends are important in life. There are many categories, i'm sure we all fall into some categories with different aquaintences. Some friends are meant to last a lifetime, some just walk in and out of our lives. I've learned that walking in and out is ok in life.

There are different phase of friends in life. Being only a quarter of a century old, i've not gone through a lot of phase in life. Meeting up with people at different phase of schooling days brings back different 'feel'. Talking about the past is unavoidable, they just won't let go of the stupid things that happened. Looking back, its funny. But definately wasn't funny at that time.

I 'feel' the friendship bond strongly these couple of weeks, being going through turmoils in life. Cannot imagine how my life would be without them around. The ups and downs in life, everybody have their fair share. I am just thankful for people that stucked with me through thick and thins of emotional battles. Honestly, there are only a hand full. I need only one side to count.

Very little, but its enough. Its scary tho that they somehow know you inside out. But i cannot imagine being without them at the moment. Its amazing when you really sit down and ponder "did they really did it for me?" Who am i to deserve such pampering and love. As i wonder about the lifelong friends, i heart them for accepting the devil i am, the pathetic little confused whimp inside.

[Though it seems ordinary and simple, friendship is one of the
most powerful forces on earth. It is a kind of love, a special brand, that can
support you as you search for a life work. Friendship is a relatively constant
love not disturbed by the ups and downs of passion as much as romantic love is.
You don't need a ceremony to initiate a friendship as you do in marriage, because
friendship grows slowly like a small garden rather than arriving in full bloom
like a huge floral display. Friendship is a broad category that sometimes mean
intimate connection and sometimes a loose tie. There are good friends, close
friends, and friends who may be more like acquaintances it's
sometimes difficult to know which it is. However strong the connection,
friendships allow you to go in your life with companions who will support you and
be with you and talk with you. These are simple but essential gifts. (London, UK:
Piatkus, 2008, pp. 146-147)]

No one should apologise for their need for friends. Our need for friends is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of our humanity.

Like all good things, friendship requires sacrifice and work. I can't even begin to imagine how much my friends have sacrificed in their support of my life and my work.

I wanted to psot some pictures here for eunice's sake, cause she thinks my posts are getting boring with lotsa words. but TOO BAD the picture loading icon got problem. Prolly the next time ok.

Anyway, granny is getting so much better. Very happy to see her. Will drop by Penang again really soon.

Till the next time, prolly tomorrow... ahhaahaha

Its kind of distressful when an individual you've known for a long time suddenly made you feel like you don't know that person at all. The length of time knowing one another does not seem to justify the closeness anymore. Being able to clique with another individual depends on the chemistry and the transparency. If you can forever put on the mask and lug it your entire life i salute you.

With people coming out from their shell after umpteenth years, theres a tremendous lot to adjust to. Probably won't need to cause it somehow felt like all hell broke loose, and its best to just end it there and then. But for the sake of the umpteenth years together, the process would take a while longer. I prefer, what i see is what i get. I no like then i no want.

While getting slapped on the face, there seems to be so many things to be attended to. Grandma got diagnosed with cancer 3rd stage, extra load of responsibilities at work. Eh, now it seems little. But the follow up takes a whole load of time. Especially travelling north and south to see granny while working and all around the tom dick KL to please people's request. Complain complain complain. Am emotionally drained, right down to the roots. I'm an old fag hag at age 25.

There goes the story of an old fag hag at age 25. Lets cheers to that.