Today marked the start of my new life. Nothing drastic will change just some adjustment to make. Whatever good in life must go on, whatever that is on the verge of wrecking must go. It's a psychological battle inside.

Anything in life, i believe nothing is impossible. As long as there is determination and faith, it'll come through. I'm sure i'll pull this through. Being 25 and not much more to go, it's now or never.

Chewah, what a way to bluff myself. Its all in the mind.

It's Friday and i'm lazy, very lazy.
Working is much of a chore nowadays. Complaining and whining and being in a sour mood seems like a norm. Stepping into the house with the sour face, you can see everybody running to their own corner, own room. Like the Will Smith show where everybody just runs away and dissapears. *poof* -silence- whispers *sssshhhh.... shes not in a good mood, go up and watch tv instead.

The negative aura is sooo strong. Its bad. No wonder people run away.

RUN FOREST RUN...

On the way to work today, the norm of driving through mrr2 with flyfm on the radio. Today phat fabes mentioned a documentary he saw. It was about genes, cheating genes. Those genes are actually inside physically in a person. From what i understand, that particular gene can be removed from the body and it will help with the cheating. Surgically? i don't know. It was related to their fix it on air next.

Mom who is cheating on the husband, daughter called the radio for help. If you're not tune in every morning, do try occasionally. Listening to fix its made me realised such problem do exist and the emotional part of a person is somewhat genuine. Probably radio has its strength on being on air, not in person where all eyes are on one person. Its easier to express and not be embarassed. Somehow, some people do resort to radio fix. Feelings can be genuine, but it could also be made up. Whatever it is, theres always two sides to it.

Its sad to see people being put into such situation. Imagine getting a call from the station and ... "Hey, its ben and phat fabes from flyfm, do you know the fix it segment? This time, the problem is YOU!" Being a problem, a hurdle in people's life would make me very very .... i don't know. Whatever it is in life, theres nothing that cannot be solve. I always believe that 'God will not give you what you cannot bear'.

Theres always a reason behind what happened. At least with that mentality, its easier to move on.

Almost Lover is currently playing on the ipod, on the phone and on the laptop.

While on the way back sitting on the KL Express, i came through this song. Somehow i played it again and again and again. Maybe cause of the slow soothing lazy slured singing. I feel the lyrics and the sway of this particular song. Throughout the entire journey back home, the song 'teman-ed' me. With it, i swayed all the way back home.

It was a goodbye song to an almost lover. Somethings are almost there... almost.. but never happened. "but it was soooo close" But it never happened.

Try listening to it, if you somehow feel the sameway as i do. The singer very terror. If not, just take it as i'm just having ANOTHER one of those emotional turmoil.

I can and i will!

The week have been crazy. Daddy finds it amusing cause he started somewhat similar like i did. He has been backing me up emotionally and physically. Allowing me to spare some time for myself. Its like uni days when dad sends me off to a far far away land. This is only a day, but the parting feels close to the heart.

Its my first travelling experience in this given situation. Not knowing whether this is good or bad, but the next meeting is set and it's in JB again. Travelling down might be a weekly affair. And next on the agenda is Singapore. Honestly, as i can gather it won't be a holiday alike trips.

I'm all growned up. Taking the bus, cab, lrt, flight all in a day. Have covered most of the means of public transport. Rare in my life, but i conquered it all in a day. Please, miss teoh do also appreciates and take public transport. Me ain't a princess that only whines and complaints.

If only its somewhat similar to Aussie land. I would take public transport to work. On he way to work nowadays, its easier, lesser traffic. People seems to shift their transport means to public, especially the lrt. Its very obvious that the petrol hike is affecting the people. I do feel the pinch of the fuel prices but something in me would not budge to take the public transport.

Heard from the radio that some ministries are pumping in money to the efficiency of 'public transport'. On the first thought i thought that they will you know, get more busses, train more frequent so anything along that line la. BUT, it continued that it's a loan thingie to give people or rather people to 'help' start their own business in public tranport. I don't know about you, but i find it queer.

Anyways, other than yesterday and the days that i'm travelling, public transports would not be an issue. Rather ignorant but hey at least i've experienced it like everybody did.

wait waiting and still waiting

took the number at ten-ish and now its about twelve thirty. Its so not cool. I am simply waiting for the rebate for fuel. With work during weekdays, no choice to do it during the weekend. The queue is horrendously long. The number coming out as people press is jaw dropping. Me sitting in the car with a past issue of nuyou in my hands, flyfm playing their gigs. How interesting to past time eh. Nothing beats this. And in a few minutes im gonna check the number. Aint wanna wait so long and miss my turn eh. The cool thing is, im not on my laptop but blogging through the tiny phone. The wonders of gadgets nowadays. Ok, back to misery.

I broke the record today, the doctor gave me two days medical leave. TWO DAYS! She thinks that 1 day is insufficient. Oh well, we'll see la. 9 months working plus this two days mc, i got three already. I feel kinda bad for leaving my work behind. But for now, ain't gonna think about it.

The show is finally over. Theres much to follow-up on, but at least the walk and talk is over and done with. Still, comments and suggestions lingers through my mind. Was it worst than my previous show? better? i can't help but to sit down and jot and gather it all and make a mental note in my mind to "MAY! CAN YOU PLEASE DO BETTER" giving oneself pressure to do better the next time is somewhat good. striving to do better. But, that is if you didn't screw the previous one sooo bad that people loose confidence in you running the show.

I know theres lots to learn from this. Am prepared for the bombarding by tom, dick and harry. At least mr and mrs medias are pretty nice to me. Whatever it is, i must take it in with grace.
dum dum dum....

Will splash some pictures here once its in my hands.

Today i...

Finally filled my petrol tank and it came up to RM71. Best is, my tank wasn't even fully empty. Two more bars left. Ah, the first pinch.

Didn't finished the emcee script as i intended to do. It was such a lazy day today where lying around the house seemed to be the best thing to do. Given that tomorrow will be a crappy day anyway. So, in my brilliant mind i thought why not just laze. There goes on my Things-to-do list. As the things to do list grew longer by the minute, my mind was just floating and wondering the entire day today. Its a sunday for goodness sake, i am so entitled for a thorough rest day without picking up any calls. Do i? Who cares what they think or what they do. It can wait. Wait till i re-fuel the tank and recuperate from the weeks work.

'Miley Cyrus' called and made my head go wa-wa. A glimpse of him and a short conversation is enough to last me for days before the craving starts eating in again. Its damn addictive and i think i'm addicted. Just like biting straws. Once you bite, you can't stop.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder. True or False? FALSE! It should be distance makes the heart go crazy! Damn good isn't it. I just made that up.

Think i'm going nuts. The world's worst nutcase ever! I need to see a psychiatrist! and make it double cause my head is spinning like 120kmph's ferris wheel. WWWEEEEEEEEeeeeeee.... I need to see you again to get it over and done with. FINITO!

CHAPTER CLOSE... NEXT!

It was madness.
The hike on petrol prices, the long queue, the impatient drivers, angry crowd of protesters.
I didn't think much of the hike of fuel prices until my best friend decided to queue in one of the petrol station to pump petrol. If she decides to do it, the hike must be quite tremendous.

Honestly, i don't know one litre of petrol is how much. And i don't know how many litre can my car take in. Measurements? it just don't get along well with me. With the many sms reminders on the raise of price and the BIG fonts of RM2.70, with everyone (even the ahpek beside me during breakfast) also talked about it. It must then be something big.

It hit me when a friend's msn nick states that his full tank was once RM67, now is RM92. That kind of figure i totally can understand. Being just over fifty and now almost a hundred. The government must be crazy. I have not pumped full tank after the price hike, will do so soon when the car drinks it all. I can understand the financial burden that people might have. From cutting down credit cards to taking the public transport.

Companies and workplace must also work out a win win situation. RM0.40 one KM is not gonna work man. Nobody gives that shitty amount anymore. Prolly like 10 years ago then probably la.
Its getting tougher to survive after listening to people calculating their expenses. Paycheck's amount still remains. ah shucks.

I really think i should take this into serious consideration. Probably the motto of 'Changing Lifestyle" is really applicable in this manner. Take a teh-o kurang manis in a mamak than starbucks's Tazo Tea or even a RM3.50 o town's ice lemon tea. Hahahahha... CUT CUT CUT. We are sooooooo shortchanged.

Subsidised my ass la. Subsidise when pay road tax wor. I wonder if this is the BEST they could do. Or is it just another EASIER way to 'solve' the problem.

After work have to think of financial control and restrains. Cannot buy this and that la. There goes retail therapy, cause why? it all goes in to the petrol to take you to the mall itself.

My good aunty finally came and visited me today. It will prolly last a few more day, and wala... more talkative and super emotional teohmaymay. Bear with me, i just need to bite.

The moment you stepped in, judgement were being passed. No one knows, no one realised. 167cm tall, symetrical features, broad shoulders, simple attire but yet allures the attention. No one knows the past of this man, the baggage he carried, the tough life he has experienced.

His build frame coats his longing and fear. No one realised the terrified little boy inside. As confident as he may seem, he did well, charmed the girls and was in everyone's good books. People assumed him being the outgoing, sociable, and gets invited to exclusives, having chicks surrounding. Its was all mere assumptions passed on him.

An actual fact, being the loner he wishes, prefers to stay at home with a self made lemonade, on hand a biography of Oprah Winfrey. Baking and cleaning was more his forte.

Growing up in an environment where survival was an issue. Getting food on the table was as hard as finding a seed in a pile on sand. With fear of the sky turning dark, when drops of rain falls, it sparked the fear of the roof thumbling down one fine day. School was a must, being dressed up in old school clothes from some one else, shoes which plays peek-a-boo. It was tough.
This man i saw walking through the door, at first i couldn't believe my eyes. Deep inside, he's the same. Humble as he was, kind as he used to be, generous in giving. He must have gone through lots before this, i cannot imagine.

Looking at him now brings a smile to my face. The little boy, no more little. Maturity shines through his personality. Wise words of parents he holds on to. Still, confidence is still in progress. I heart this no more little boy.

THE UNHEALTHY ESCAPADES starts here...

The unhealthy recipe:
An unhealthy guy + an unhealthy mind + an unhealthy choice + KERANG REBUS or rather KERANG hangus





PROCESS: Kerang Mengerang. + involve the girlfriend too + and don't forget to stir the cells of the otak together... blend it well.



BEFORE CONSUMING: Take evidence of product. Easier to trace the ingredients.

FINAL: Eat it all at once to feel the unhealthiness in your body. If your 'ng ng' is hard the next day, you have succeeded the UNHEALTHY ESCAPADE recipe. Good Luck!