Unexpected twist

Coming out of comfort zone, trying out new things, new escapades...
Living outside your boundaries, thinking out of the box...
Gaging emotions that never thought existed. Good feeling but rather queer.
It could be because of limited vocabularies in the puny brain,
its hard to define, a certain emotion.
Probably in plain, its just plain satisfying.

Looking at the smile, the side half tilted lips,
The imperfect yet so seemingly perfect
The running emotions of pure bliss.
As both fingers gaged one another,
all you want to do is hold on forever.

Sometimes the unexpected twist happens
But it was always to the other someone
Taking a step out, walking the extra mile,
It might just be you :)

Its a whole new different ball game altogether now. Talking about where to hold the wedding, that place enough carpark or not, need to at least have 30 grand to disperse. Next you know, what should we name our child if its a girl... tum di tum...

After a 'culture' shock, which is in none of my consent boundary to disclose, this is the second 'eye big' moment. Wedding bells are ringing left right centre and its scary when people closer to you or in your age group are all either getting hitch or tied up in a discussion about "one table about RM3++ only in Alor Star" or "My mom will do the church decoration, she biasa already" or even "But that place don't have a lot of space for the guests to park" or "do in that church better la" O_O

I don't usually do the emoticons thingie, but just to let you know how EYE BIG a few of us went.

Mind you, a year ago, we were all happy go lucky single ladies. And today, talking about walking down the aisle. *cold sweat* My my, how time flies. Its flew like it never flew before and probably our directions in life became clearer. Well, at least for 'some' of us. :)

Of course, we all chosed different path. The OBVIOUS path or the ADVENTUROUS path. We will definately have our own fair share of dramatism.

I wish i could write more, but my best friend will slaughter or bury me six foot or rather twelve feet under. All in all, i'm a happy dude.

Almost. Almost half year. Time came and gone just like that. Much have happened, much have learned. It is almost hard to believe that its been more than a year in this company, but well, people think i'm an oldie here. Living and working in an almost comfort zone. Moving away or moving on seems not occurring as frequent. But i know at the back of my mind, i need to move out and move on.

Being the queen of 'cakap saja' i hardly speak my honest emotions. Somehow coming nude, naked and bare is tough, sometimes unachievable. Honestly, i don't usually tell the whole story. Pointless as i see but sickening as my friends perceive. Its great having a direction in life, knowing what you want, knowing how you feel, knowing where to go from here. I wouldn't know how great cause i'm yet to be there. No wonder my job requires me to 'cakap saja' most of the time, its tailored made just for me.

As time passes by, age is catching up, the mind do not dream as frequent, but struck ed life reality. Stability, career or just a job, marriage, family, kids? Am i even ready for all of these? How long can i stay in this job with a measly pay check and discard the thought that its a very rare learning ground. Move out or move on? tak payah fikir.

As it dawn on me and my peers, i don't know about them but i'm a little freaked. Freaked with the decisions that i'm making and gonna make. Sigh. Sometimes i wish there is a life-book all written out step by step what to do. It may be boring but at least you know whats coming next. Yes yes, disagree with me. I'm actually a boring idiot that wants it all lay out for her. Welcome to my little world.

Nothing pleases me more now with a ramli burger in my mouth. Battling with an eating disorder was a tough call. Being a plus size, i sorta understood the daily whispers and being low profile wherever. The laughs and remarks was a wounding excruciating experience. Knowing something was wrong, but then it doesn't matter as it is sememangnye like that. The life of a plus size is nothing like a bed of roses. Discarded, torned, humiliated, it was all part of the package.

Looks was important, needless i say. School days, whose the handsome-st, pretiest. We know how the forefront meant in this world and how things were easier done when you are prettier, the guys will swarm to help you, lines and lines of admirers.

Is the look all that important? shouldn't it be 'character outshines it all' or 'its the inside that 'matters'. I still do laugh at men defending themselves by stating that 'face doesn't meant a thing to me, its her personality'. Loads of bollocks! Of course, its not all men, sometimes its the girls too. Cause i'm one of them. :)

That aside, being the plus size woman, having the plus size sneer, in a plus size shoe. Probably not as intensely dramatic or traumatic as some girls out there, i had my fair share. Hey you, i can't say its ok and will be ok to be plus size. As long as you are comfortable as you are. Then you're ready to go. up up and away...

It takes time to build up again crushed confidence, but its essential. Essential to go far in life, you can and will do it. Takes lots of determination but its all worthwhile at the end. I cannot say i'm there cause i'm not. Still eating taugeh as my main meal, still too lazy to work out in gym.. but still striving on. I hope you will too. Nothing is impossible.

Cheers to the day we can eat a ramli burger without guilt!

It has been nothing but a rollercoaster ride.
Trying hard to make it un-obvious, going in and out and in and out.
Exhausting and energy draining.

Sitting up on the bed, having all the time in the world to think.
Thoughts kept flowing in, as the tears joined in too.
Its was a decision made, sticking to it seemed the best.

Was it stupidity or a sudden gush of rare emotion?
Many says stupid and selfish. I agree so.
I do not beg to differ, i do not oppose the unavoidable scarcasm.
You know my love is far beyond that. Take heart that it won't be another time.

Hey you, its been a while.
Mentioned to Big B about you today,
While talking about you, kinda missed you already.
Looking back, it has been a long long time.

Wondering whether you still look down occasionally
To still check on whats happening down here
Its getting awful. politically, environmentally...
Much has happened since the last time,
I'm sorry for not keeping you updated as frequent.

It has evolved, your girl has grown up.
More refined, more mature, stronger
Yet theres so much more to learn, to grasp, to comprehend.
Wishing you were here to witness it all and giving me the push as always.

XXX

Knowing what you went through
Knowing what you were expecting
Painting a picture of a perfect wedding,
The beautiful you walking down the isle.

Eventhough its a couple of months away,
Anticipating on what to wear was the topic everytime.
The sparkle in your eyes cannot be missed
Knowing the tough times you went through,
You very well deserve this.

If i could give you the strength, i would.
If it could make it all better for you, only if i could
Dare not i to see you, i'll just breakdown and cry
Hang in there. Theres blooming flowers waiting for you to see.

The anger and sadness i cannot express.
I wish i had more to say.

During a fitting yesterday, Mr something-something splurt out "your job must be fun". Seeing me walking around picking up clothes from the store, walking here there taking pictures and talking loudly seems like a fun thing to him. Queer.

Asking him about his job, no wonder he thinks mine is 'fun'. Working in an insurance company, talking about investments, i was bored. *yawn* Whatever i think, he takes pride in what he does and just couldn't stop talking about it. Wan-tai-fu. *yawn* *yawn*

An hour later, Ms who-who said the same thing "your job must be interesting" "you get to know a lot of people" Hmmmm... actually, not really but thats besides the point. As we chatted, she studied satistics and now work in the same investment company doing recruitment. *yawn* for doing recruitment, *yawn* *yawn* *yawn* for studying statistics. GOT A DEGREE JUST ON STATISTIC ONE MEH?

Me eyes went big, my jaw dropped, i was not only in awe but amused by their choice of studies. I know, i know what is me to say what to study is best, when i don't know what i want in life. Well, that again is besides the big backside point. STATISTICS? love maths... figures...

That, is something my puny brain cannot comprehend. at all.

Another note, i like facebook. It's actually quite cool, being able to know what people are actually up to. It's the stalker side of me. Ms sam-pat-wants-to-know-it-all. Connecting with people that you think are looooong gone suddenly appears in your life. How cool is that, you tell me.

Alright. I'm off to do some store visits and market survey. Boring yet awesome.

Pardon this princess. This is totally bimbotic.

It was 5 years ago, its been a long long while
5 years ago, you made that decision,
5 years later, you want to re-make that decision
I wonder what made you re-make, re-think, re-do

The moment stood still, everything was a blur
Suprised by what you've just uttered,
If you could only look back and see for yourself

My heart skipped a beat that milisecond moment
Slapped back into reality, its just plain absurd
Expect not things to be back as it was 5 years ago,
Time passes, people grow, people change

Imaturity, stubborn, loneliness eats into us,
We made our fair share of mistakes and wrong turns in life
Picking up where it was left 5 years ago is not wise,
shall we then leave it as it was then...

An understanding was made, a conclusion was drawn
It would be easier for both of us in the near future
Its now or never, a decision made.
It won't be the end if you allow it not.
Morning, noon, night, its hard to go through
The day will come when the burden is heaved

Free from sorrow, free from burdens
Free from all the unnecessary
You will make it through, you will pull it through

Time will tell, it will not stop ticking
Cease the opportunity, cease the coming
Close not your door,
It might be what you're looking for

Hey stranger, be well, be kind,
We will meet again, am ready when you are.