Its another rather queer and stressing day. Eventhough some assignments have been cleared but still... ang chu here and there... you know, where you supposed to feel hte burden being lifted up but nah... its still the same.

A suprise call today made my night worst. I am very uptight in going to interviews and being questioned. Am those who hates the 'name three things that is good about you and another three which is the not so good' damn! how la i know. I got bad also won't tell you la...

If this 'thing' still lingers around my childish thoughts when i'm about to go to bed, i'll need to prepare to dab more concealer around the darkened panda eyes. It's not horrible, its terrifying. I hate interviews! the anticipation drives me nuts.

Not that i'm going for it even, but the thought of what if i missed the lifetime opportunity. Going once, Going twice... and... GONE! sold to the woman over there with florescent yellow polka dot dress.

Deal or no deal. I hate that show too. Prediction is nothing substantial, which makes the whole very hard to achieve. I need a more concrete base or rather clear instructions. Leave it to me, purely means you're heading to a longkang with lotsa shitty rubbish.

Ah, whatever it is, i'm a whole load of rubbish. Hmm... the more i say it, the more 'true' it appears to be. This has got to stop man, if i'm rubbish, i AM A VERY SMELLY RUBBISH and AM GOOD IN IT!

I am talking to myself

Gorgeous. Good looking. Charming. Metro sexual. Funny.

The selected guys are probably it. That's mainly why they are choose to be on stage. But really, questions that is answered can somehow reflect the person's innerself. Not trying to analyze too deeply. But any Tom Dick or Harry would actually be able to feel it. Come on, the person can be tall, dark and handsome and answer question like 'I can't live without.... *blank* (girls)...' ok thats too obvious.

But dei, got better answer or not. The answer will stick to you like glue. Once its printed, people will question your answer and tadaa of course one question leads to another. But sometimes, you mind just go blank when you hold the piece of paper full of questions about yourself that sometimes ah lah, what the heck la just tembak some stupid answer only la. WRONG! BUZZ!

Anything that goes to print, must think twice... trice... or maybe even quadrillion times before it is penned. So what if so the handsome macho if the mind is like a 12 years old which is at the verge of hitting puberty. Touche...

Men with depth is desirable.. BLING BLING points if handsome. So, where are thou gorgeous intelligent men? Aiya, got also won't look for the very-the-average-girl-next-door loh hor.. or either, he's gay, he just wants to be friends. BAH!

I tend to fall for men who are gay, yes literally. They somehow possess the sensitivity that real men tend to not have. They are somehow more open, more funny, more advises, and of course with more stuff to bi.. talk about. Their feminine side somehow makes the atmosphere more easy going and somehow closer. WHERE oh where is the straight, gentle men.

As i saw men on stage today. Through my eyes, i see diverse personalities. Somehow i wonder whether they are pushed up that stage. yala yala, win got money la. I think thats what draws them. But still, the amount of things you have to do.

Gentle or not gentle. Obviously not the highlight of the day. Probably the more skin you show, the higher the chances are. Or, the more good looking you are, the chances of you bringing the money home is higher. LOOKS looks looks!

I am a sucker for good looking men, so it doesn't bother me much.

I don't know where i am getting to

What do you say if you only seen him the first time?

Given the scenario, you were both locked up at a table in some restaurant with people around you are obviously pushing the two of you together. And with brilliant minds thinking that these two strangers are matched make from heaven. But the obvious where everyone is ignoring is the fact that these two are literally strangers.

Its ugly. With people around you snikering to themselves, whispering about how compatible these two will be and the shallowest of all proposing the relation with them if the two strangers get married. It annoyes the hell out of me. yes, literally.

So, pushing into the given situation that some idiot pre-made up, i am utterly blunt. I wouldn't know what to say or do or act. You leh? I think i would probably ask all the "Y's" and bite my straw, of cos, only when he sungguh the handsome.

But wait, there aren't that many around. So, given the ratio and counting... most likely he's not. Its sad. Its like come on la, beggars can't be choosers. But hey, i'm not a beggar. Got taste one ok.

Of course, personality counts the lot. If he's not-so-goodlooking but got an angelic character, it's still alright isn't it. I probably would need a halo put on for that night, just in case it works out, at least i made a good impression. Still, a made up one night personality isn't gonna work man.

So what. If he likes he likes lah, if he don't he don't lah. So the cunted character isn't it. But IF a BIG if. IF he is super duper the gorgeous with a personality to die for and likes angelic girls... choose ME ME ME... PICKKKKKKKKK ME!!!! I am not angelic BUT i can be one. Just one night?

Seriously, it sound kinda 'what the..' I know. How long will the halo last? I no know.

Sometimes, decisions in life can be very very tough.

AND NO i'VE NOT BEEN GOING FOR BLIND DATES. I just made it all up. yes. me and my little imaginative, pervy mind.

Hobby

Whats your hobby?

Sounds like a simple question isn't it. thought so. Was so wrong. Cause, i can't seem to have an answer to that.

Over a one bluberry, 3 glasses of water and a lime jus, i still don't have an answer to that question. For a moment, damn i feel kinda duh-ed. or more like dumbfounded. I mean, ME? being dumbfounded? The incredible twister ever.. how can.

I don't have a hobby. Its either i work or hang out with friends or... i dunno stay at home online... surfing erm... work stuff. Vi's hobby is art, cause she's good at it obviously and shes an architect. Being fair to myself, Na couldn't think of a hobby too. Hah! I think probably researching on SLEEPING therapy suits her.

Back to ME, i still don't have a hobby. I like to _______ during my free time.
Sleep?Eat?Read?Draw?Shop?Watch TV? no la.

Ok, leaving me with my hobby dilemma. I wish you all a good relationship with your hobbies.
I am going to sleep and dream about hobbiless dream.

*pardon my entry.

Toodles

Doctor sick

Screw the pictures and the uploading. Its already a big task finding the phone and camera cable. With lower than usual tolerance, i don't think it'll do me good. Words, just words are just fine by me.

Loaded Ipod checked
Change of clothes checked
Sun blocked checked
Spare phone checked
Sunglasses checked
I so know when i get there, some stuff will become unchecked.

Scatterbrains will always be one, no matter how much i tried to de-scatter the brain, it just won't work. Acceptance to this unique characteristic i must carry on.

Tomorrow's shoot is in PD. Many know i loathe going there and get burnt. Its actually not that far tho, but princess me would prefer the studio air cond better. BUT, for the love for my company, i would. Pootooi, i sound like super dedicated.

Anyways, whatever the happening tomorrow, cloud nine is where i am at this moment. Simply just floating on air like theres no worries in the world. Anticipating the moments, capturing the memories, savoring the time together. I find falling in love therapeutic. Ah please, i may sound winky wanky wonky or a little pathetic-ish but i've got this butterfly in my stomach kinda thingie. I can't stop talking about it, i can't stop thinking about it and my friends can't bear to hear his name mentioned again. But the best is, NO ONE CAN STOP ME! Muahahahahaha... i tell you, purfect crime.

I wonder how long this time will last. a week? i think my friends wonder more...

So then, i'll sign off when i'm on cloud nine. With only 5 hours and 40 minutes to get myself into deep sleep before i wake up and be greeted by dirty beaches, i just wanna tell you all... I LUP YOU!!!! *ain't i sweet? i know i know... :p

I think i'm sick la. high one minute, low one minute. So tak consistent. Sommore teramat the perasan. Doctor please...

MATURE? nah, just getting old

Its been very depressing lately. First, i've got a comment from a colleague about my age. She *gasped and said NO WAY! i don't believe that you are only 25. Then she continued saying that, honestly may you've got wrinkles beside your eyes already.

I NEARLY FAINTED ON SPOT.

*kaching There goes money on anti aging creams.

so much for honesty.

Second, studio girl looked deeply into my eyes, as if to tell me an important assignment for the day. Instead, she gestured her hand, pointing at me then to her eye bags and shook her head and whispered that 'maybe you should ask sheng to cover it up for you'. WHAT MAN. Now, BAD EYEBAGS.

*sigh

I'm only 25 and the symptoms for a 30 year old is shown. Research says that 25 onwards, girl's boobs will start sagging. GREAT. first face then body. This is getting more and more depressing.

Or rather, i can just psycho myself that its just temporary. Whats the use of being young on the inside and get sold off by the look on the outside. I should start acting a little childlike from now on. NOT childish, but childlike. Got difference one ok. There is a saying tho that a person will appear younger because of the way they are, positive thinking... and positive thinking... Ah, maybe not so much childlike even, just being positive will do. You reckon?

ARGH. Rubbish rubbish rubbish. Today shoot, tomorrow road show, day after shoot, the day after that PD shoot. Why not they just shoot me.

All these work stuff is making me OLD OLD OLD.

*{breath in} {breathe out} zzzzz positive zzzz.... positive thinking...

Till my next update with some color and a bit anti wrinkly pictures.