Whats the motivation of waking up early in the morning to go to work. Sometimes i dread. Some people says that when you dread of going to office, its time for you to move on. If i really took that into serious action, i'll be jumping from one to another.

Nothing comes in easy nowadays. The meagre pay is expected a lot out of an person, time.. effort.. sacrifices. Its true that we all have choices. But if keep jumping jobs, the learning process is definitely cut short. Damn! i'm just so trying to convince myself to go to the bathroom and shower then head to work.

Its a school holiday, i still can laze a while at home.

But today, i bet the mood will be utterly depressing. Probably the time to move on is getting really near.

Tried being a good friend. But its just too bad i'm a lousy camera woman.

Knowing that my friend was kinda interested in this ahem.. young man, i tried capturing him on camera so she could ogle him anytime she wants. So, during our wee hours of work, i decided to try my luck for her sake. But well, i didn't want to try THAT hard and make him think that i am one of his die hard fans la. cause, i asked him whether he is attached or single, ah you know, for information sake. All in the name of friendship.

I tried you know... i did, really. not.

Shot 1: Too bluur. Shot 2: Bad angle. Shot 3: GIVE UP big time.

It was in the wee morning, only four arms came and entertained me.

It was a tiring night, with work the next morning. But with good company, it eats away the tiredness. How blessed. :)

Getting bored of my stories? Its like nonstop yea. Currently, its just flowing out of my mind. I can type nonstop just writing about things in my life. Theres so much going on around that sometimes its hard to comprehend. Am just living with it.

And today's story goes like this...

One day, teohmaymay found out that shes in love.

...and they lived happily ever after.

Damn good isn't it. I sincerely hope that its that easy.
*fingers crossed

Despite the grueling weekday and ongoing work-calls, this weekend is classified as a good weekend. Parents and half of my siblings are not home and i'm sitting here blasting david cook's songs on my laptop with muted E! news on and painting my nails.

I think i'm gonna camp outside here tonight. Just as a means of savoring being alone in a utterly quiet environment. Its not always you get quiet moments without any interruptions at all. Just you and your favourite doings. I like.

It probably really means that i need to get a place on my own. But its gonna be a big step coming out staying alone. Nobody to clean after me anymore. But probably can bring kakak over occasionally. Hahahha... high chance. Not only that, the bills will come after you and soaring finances. And it doesn't just stop there, theres more to think about.

Today, with one girl enjoying in Bali. I had a blast talking just about everything under the sun and just blah-ing around with the rest alongside with really good and cheap thai food near the house. Found a place which plays songs like Yanni and Kenny G, tables set with table-runners and individuals table mats with teh-o-ais that is RM1.20, just like any mamak. And the food is good and cheap, no rats sniffling and trickling around. I'm falling in love with this place already. I bring you there ok.

Times like this, money can't buy. Times with friend are memories that will never fade. Sometimes, i just want it to not stop. Can i just do this for a living? Too bad, life is not that way. It is and never will be my way.

They crack me up. I crack them up. Its damn cool. Some chemistry, you only have it with a few people. Its probably enough. Just a few close ones, and know they will always be there for you regardless of your outlook, your status, perviness, queer habits like biting straws etc.

Damn emo, i think its the kenny g songs at that thai shop. Getting soppy.

Till the next emo session, very soon.

Glad that this week is finally over. Gonna put my guard down for the weekend before i suit up again with extra bullet proof vest for the next. Six sense tells me that its gonna be worst. Ain't betting anything on it.

Other than loads of work, only two weeks away from event and have not much confirmation, boss going on long leave, slept only three hours, couldn't find my car at the carpark at 3am in the morning, a torned bag, scratches on new phone, stuck in an hour jam, colleague of 27yrs old had a stroke in ICU, customers complaints piling, room like a pig sty.. and the list goes on...

Theres so much more to worry about, think about and digest. The last string was drawn when it was decided that there is nothing much to say in a conversation, and phone dead. I hate dead silence on the other side of the phone. hate it. Once communication is teared down, its finished. Right after he pulled my last string. It felt as if more weight on shoulder. More added to 'to-do' list. Silence and ignorance kills me.


Life must continue.

A SAD continuation...

i wrote the entry last night. Can't wait for it to be posted. Before i fly down to the store again, heres my 'little' story.

At the beginning, I actually thought Mr. Acer R. have suddenly given up on me cause of my previous post. But its actually streamyx problem. Happy is me.

I have found my love of writing things that are just little little thoughts loitering around my head, no concrete facts needed, no smart words used, no pretentious compositions. It just me. The plain ol’ teoh may may.

The same girl that is super duper fat and chubby during primary school that only speaks English. The same girl that hates writing her name in Chinese cause there is so so so so many strokes in her Chinese name. The same girl that is always the class monitor then. The same girl that fell during SPM English paper. The same girl that tried to chick her way through college. The same girl that mothers everybody in university. The same girl that only looks at pretty boys. And finally, still is same girl that is still chubby and fat. :p

Ah, the love of life. Some things don’t change does it?

Its therapeutic being able to express so much in here. And when I look back at my previous entries. I’ll be like ‘what the heck was I thinking then?!' Even to the extend I attempted to delete some of the ‘childish’ entries. Come on, its malufying and you know it!

Teoh may may will always be teoh may may. Whether you like it or not. There may be some changes in me from then till now but do tell me if its not for good. I believe close friends come in here and leave a mark or so.. or peek occasionally… I heart you that still do.

No, I’m not moving. No, I’m not dying yet. AND NO, I do not have my monthly menstruation.

THE DRAMA QUEEN AWARD GOES TO *drumroll the magnificent TEOH MAY MAY!!

Thank you, Thank you *smuak *smuak

Ok, you reading this, GO BACK TO WORK! i sudah habis syok sendiri.

Ace R.

Wherever i am, when the laptop is switched on, the first thing the comp will do by itself is signed in automatically to msn and load up the rest of the software which is immensely slow. Then later, my fingers automatically clicks Internet explorer to go into facebook then to mayspeeves.

How boring. yes i know.

--

Two years back when i first met Ace dear, he was hunky and masculine, i thought i loved that type. He was different than the others. He stood out. Large, tough and of cos manly goodlooking. Until when i saw others having slim, smaller and not so buffed up boys hand in hand, it then started the slim trend. I regretted instantenously. Talk about peer pressure. Pheeeet...

Ace dear was harder for me to bring around to meet people. He was just kinda on the plump chunky side. Which partly suit me tho. But it was just tough putting my hands on his. It was more lugging him around than anything. Since then, he started slipping away or rather i started slipping away. Giving each other a bit of time alone.

When i came into my senses a while back, i realised i needed to care for him like how he cared for me. Being with me through thick and thins. Always there supporting through late nights, being with me when i'm alone at some joint sipping tea.

So i decided to take fate into my own hands. I surfed like i never surfed before, be there with him every minute i could with the final drop of energy left in my body.

Even surfed the uni days chinese newspaper. Damn 'geng'.

Since the first few months i started dating with Ace dear, the wallpaper remained as it is. He know how much i loved Rain then. He understood.

He was the perfect one for me. But well, his health has taken a toll on him. Loosing a bit of memory here there, a bit slower in getting my jokes, sometimes even wants me to do it manually on him. I succumbed to it. It's the best i could do for all the happy moments he brought me.

So now, i'll try harder to make our relationship work. I know i will.

Give me a break will ya. I had a tough day at work today. *sigh

Wedding bells

I've learned a new word today. "Boob-bang" NO, i didn't just simply come out with something outrageous cause i can't sleep. It was just mentioned along our conversations today.

So, what is boobbang? a bunch of girls ganging up with their boobs? I really don't know. Enlighten me if you so know. Didn't get to the core of how this word came about. But whatever it is, the girl that introduced us this word says its fun. I am not too sure i'm gonna take her word for it, but whatever it meant i don't think i wanna even go near trying it out.

*Ms Ong, nah.

WEDDING BELLSSSssss

Its the time to ring ring ring it again. Its so near i can feel it already. Today, the high school babes met up to update the past 6 months of life happenings. And a dumdum dum-dum, wedding is reaching us oh soooo soon. Its scary actually, meaning that we are ACTUALLY, as the matter of fact getting old.

And why can't we wear the LEVI's wedding gown har? isn't it a good idea? it's designers too. :(

Talking about wedding just spiced things up a bit. But marriage is not something that can be taken so lightly. The talks about wedding planning can be fun, but the responsibilities that comes with it is also very heavily fun.

Its not just being able to clique that matters. Its the entire chemistry between two person and being able to view the other the mother or father of your child. Or most basic being able to live together for the rest of your life. PHEW! Thats a tough call.

The moment "I DO" is uttered, it begins the journey of when two become one. Accepting the person for who he is and being able to be tolerant, patient, loving, communicate, collaborate... and the lists goes on. *sweats But i guess if he or she is the right one, it would not be a matter of concern even.

And i was thinking, for my man... he have to definately accept me for who i am! You know who i am??? dunno leh! LET ME TELL YOU!

The worlds.... most awesome STRAW-BITER!!!

I know, i'm disgusting. a very disgusting piggie indeed. I do agree. No one wants a straw-biter. *sigh I think i need professional help. anyone?

First time in my life, sleeping was the toughest. I don’t know whether it is called insomnia but I just couldn’t sleep. Thank God it just lasted two days.

The feeling was awful, with lack of sleep, adds on to the foul mood. I snapped at every opportunity that I had. I just cannot be triggered. Eyes turning red, aching body, distorted mind, uncontrollable speech (meaning talk ‘fai wa’). It was awfully awful. I think I made more enemies yesterday.

That aside, what is with the sms message

“Pls switch OFF all ur handphone 2NITE. According to Metro TV, there will be a BIG RADIATION WAVE circulating thru the handphone towers at 11PM 2nite which is very DANGEROUS to humans. Pls inform ur friends NOT 2 keep their phones with them. Please FOWARD..”

I’ve got this message sent to me THREE times last night, obviously before the clock turned eleven. The spelling errors aside, what is Metro TV? A few of my friends succumbed to the message just in case, a precaution. Better safe than sorry.

I thought it was silly at first until my best friend decided to take it utterly seriously. Was shaken a minute but then it just doesn’t sound right. If got big radiation wave, my phone died, I died, then too bad.

If all phones were off yesterday, somebody, ahem…. would be stuck somewhere without any one to call to. And, what big radiation wave? I think somebody need to check this Metro TV out a bit. Like we don’t have enough rumors already.

The power of words and circulation, I can’t imagine the influence.

till we meet again

Two boys will be leaving us tomorrow. I somehow dread it much.
It has been a great 8 months with them around the office. With people like me that have lots of screamings for help in this industry/company. They were my rescue star.

Its gonna be very different without them around. Not only losing a partner to talk or joke with, but its more like a torned ligament that would never fully recover from a surgery. Definitely it does not sound that bad. But these two excels in their own job. Not that the new ones are not up to standard, it just won't be the same. The chemistry and closeness will somehow differ.

I have only been with this company for eight months and they have been really nice and sweet and tolerable with me. They taught me stuff that i helped me survived all these while. I would dread not being able to shout Sub's name out loud asking him about stores and operations at store. He is that good, things are just in his head. he knows the real stuff. He fill in the blanks for me, helps me with the climbing and finding and wrapping. He has got an inborn gift of wrapping i tell you. The bank that is taking him in better treat him nice and well.

The other dude, i have not much to say. Before i tear and go to bed. Will taught me valuable lessons in life and the perspective to look in this industry. If it weren't for him just being there teaching and mentoring me all through the way and taking in my shit, i wouldn't be here slowly learning through. I owe this fella lots. And bonus is, he lets me bite him whenever i'm in distress or stressed out of my wits... and he doesn't pull back his arms when i really bite. How to find people like this in your life. cannot isn't it? I found one, but leaving already. I hope the next person who bites him takes really good care of his arms.

Truely, not to say i won't be seeing them again. But the settings will be very different. Not in the same roof anymore. But nomatter what they decide to do next, kakak may will always back you up. They can become whoever they want to be, because they are good at what they are doing. I wish them all the best in their future undertakings and i will miss their presence and cutie face popping up in the office.

Till then, let me drown myself in the pool of tears

Everybody's assuming, everybody's questioning,
Everybody wants to know, everybody's teasing,

Best is, nobody asked the person herself.
No one seems interested to know whats REALLY going on.
At least i know endorphines are elevated by this.

At the end, nothing is actually on.
How queer.

Sometimes there are no turning back. no U turns, no way of reconciling. Whatever is done, is done. Eventhough there are forgiveness, going back to 'what used to be' is yet a tough road.

Life is tough.

Treasure Hunt 2008

The journey of hunt to Penang was alright. Getting about 16 points out of 100 was a little bit wee embarassing. But whatever it is, we had fun arguing, calling people asking for clues and sweating like hell.

Some people, or rather most people we called weren't any help at all. Well, that also proves that even safety questions we cannot answer and we're drivers on the road. Bless us all.




I hardly go up to feringgi after my little bro grew out of 'I WANNA PLAY AT THE BEAAACHHH' phase. Whenever we're in Penang to see granny, we would now stay nearer to her place. So, staying at the holiday inn was somewhat different. And sommore dinner beside the beach... very the cool. If only got a knight in shining armour with his white horse waiting for you at the beach to see the sunset and just probably gallop on the pure white horse with his sparkling shining suit. Ah man, wouldn't it be like a fairy tale dream come true.

*slap slap

But the hotel food. ai... where can compare to PENANGs all so famous hawkers. The love of si ham, or chien, char kuey teow and asam laksa is irresistible. Well, not that we go to Penang that the often isn't it.

Remember the asam laksa that used to be under the bridge. After they demolished and took some sabatical leave, they resurfaced at the nearby corner shop. Other than the rise of price of cos, poh piah also got. Actually i don't know whats so fantastic about it but it somehow taste different. nicer.

Now you see it,

Now you DON'T...

Generally, other than the jam and the drivers in Penang. Penang is actually pretty cool.